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Dear,I'm sorry.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008 5:18 AM
I'm Sorry.
I'm sorry if you thought that I was using you.
I'm sorry if you felt used.
I'm sorry for giving the cold shoulders.
I'm sorry for making you Sad and sad and adding burden on your chest.
I'm utterly sorry for everything that I've done wrong.
I'm fuckingly sorry.

I guess trying to be your everything is sucha hard thing to do eh?
I'm blaming myself,not you but me.
Blame it on my adolescence.
Blame on how I used to deal with stress when I was younger.
Blame what ever grudges you have for me, on me.
I'll just Suffer in agony,just for you.
I'll be glad to repay all those saddening feelings you felt when we were quarreling.
I don't mind,If that brings you some happiness.

"No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life."

I know I can always count on you.
I know that you're the only one who can cheer me up to the fullest.
Because you're the only one, I love and trust.
But I was just being plain complacent and thought that I can Handle things on my own.
I'm sorry for spoiling your mood.
I'm sorry that I've changed.
I'm sorry that I spoiled myself.
I'm sorry.

I can't stand by myself,I need you.
I just hope you're really okay after seeing this.
I'm Speaking everything from the bottom of my heart.
you trust me don't you? :'l.

I guess this explains how I feel atm.
sigh,I'm just really sorry. :'l.
I wanna be your everything.
I wanna love you forever.
sigh,Do you still love me? :'l
Do you? I guess not that much anymore? :'l.

I'm just gonna talk about what caused me to give the cold shoulders to dear.
If you're really curious about it.
I know some of you saw me sitting with mr.zaki when you guys were doing the sports day cheer.
And another teacher,Mr tay.

I'm just gonna summarise what they both said to me.

Here's what mr tay said to me.
he told me not to back out ncc,now.
okay fine.
you give me time to reconsider to going to spec course.
I don't want.
My decision are final.
I'm sorry that you start to feel some disappointment in me.
I know I'm beginning to spoil my future.
But I'll make amends to my behavior,trust me on this,please.
I'm sorry that I lied that I didn't have a girlfriend.
But I Just don't want you to point any fingers at her..
Because I know that you'll suggest me to break with her.
Thus, resulting me to say that my parents are the ones giving me the problems.
And I solemnly swear that,I do not need counsellings.

Mr zaki said this to me.
I'm being unfair.
Cause of the school's target of getting a silver.
fine,I understand.
But I just wanna do this my own way,okay?
Here's what i have in my mind right now, if I wanna come back.
I just wanna come to trainings.
No other special events that the east district thing is trying to held.
I'm a NCO already,yeah I know.
Internal promotion and cookie badge,I'm contented with that.
sec4 step down,K everyone happy.
End of story.

How much time I spent pondering over what they say
I have no idea.
Prolly during the whole day.

Today had Emaths,quadratic equations.
Amaths,Quadratic equations too,But those alpha and beta,quite comprehensible
Malay,I wanna improve already,No more procrastination.
Had our class tees already,yeah.
Had a outing for the elective module.
gonna Upload pictures when the next post comes.

I'm ending my post today,right now.
I'm just very sorry..once again.