ProfileHi I'm Rid and hi. I do random vlogs, do check them out.
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Friday, March 11, 2011 12:00 PMSo today,is the 5th of March. I read the archives of this blog on the 4th of March. So this is going to be published on the 12th? Okay,frankly,this is.. my sanctuary; The past. The memories, the things that we did, the times we spent together, I just wanna protect it no matter what. So,whatever happens in here,stays here. Well,if you're reading this, this is my first love story. I'm sorry if it's a little bit cheesy (:
Lmao,I never did mention this but imel looked super pretty when she was 13. Maybe that's why I fell for her when I we're 14.Sweet times.
Frankly speaking, when we were together during our first few months, I wanted to see how you were or what do you looked like when you were 13,so I happened to hopped around and saw this.. funny yet cute blog. Little did I know,I saw that neoprint and I fell for you even more.
Of what he did,I told myself, She will be loved,in one way or another. I'd sacrifice this whole world just to make this girl happy,whether it's just simply love or me being right there. It doesn't matter if it hurts,one day,one month,one year, I want to be that guy/boy /whatever that doesn't cheat .
For the happiness of this girl, I'd love to live with her in the future. I never want to see her hurt ever again. And for that,I devoted my life just for that girl,nobody else can ever take my heart away. Just her. Just her and her and her. To think that I had thoughts of even getting married and have kids together,am I stupid? I just didn't tell you,because I'm in no position to make empty promises. I mean come on,we were 14/15/16 ,I didn't have any job. I sound stupid,ha-ha.
When you.. did that to me for the first ever time, I guess my heart felt numb. However,I didn't gave up on you. Why? Because I loved you, I had high hopes for this. If only you could see the hopes that I had in you. However, a similar happened on the 15th of January 2011.
I'm not trying to make you seem like you're the criminal,honey. But Honey,tell me what did you do when things about us went wrong? You had a random guy to depend on,when you could've asked from me. Relationship can't just happen out of the blue isn't it?
While I didn't have anyone to depend,I worried every single day about you. Telling myself Have you eaten? Have you slept well? How are you? Are you living alright? How's everything? I put my faith in you,believing that one day,we could just compromise and get along. and oh,I didn't even tried to fucking.. talk to a girl,if you know what I mean.
I'll admit I was wrong to even neglect you initially, but why do you have to kill my heart?
Every single thing that made me look as though I don't love you,why can't you read the sadness/troubles in between?
Also,if you didn't a guy devoted his love to only you,whether it was one-sided or 2,
then what did you want?
Someone to use?
When I tried to talk to you.. and all the other crap I did,trying to get you back,it didn't work.
It didn't matter,because I believed that someday I'll get into you and we can just live happily ever after. No matter how many hearts you broke,I didn't mind. Because I believed that 3 years++,is something we couldn't forget.
All I asked was to know my heart once more,to accept these tears that I've shed while you weren't here.
To look at me once more,just once.
Once more to look at me, once more time to hold me and to kiss. Just one more time.
But nah. For this,I hate you. I despise myself even more just because I'm like these.
It all went wrong. Maybe because I was too lenient/etc like how Farhan said to me a few years back.
I guess it went a long way back. Maybe I've been kind for far too long. You took advantage of it. And for this,I had to learn the hard way,for the fucking 2nd time.
When you said all those mean hurtful stuffs,I didn't utter a word,because I didn't want to tip the scale, I kept my god damn cool for 5 months already. Yet alone what he did.
I'm at my limit.
You guys,killed my heart;
When you said that sandwich I gave you was covered in ants on Valentine's. When you cried like a god damn baby when I kissed and hugged you 2 days before Valentine's and then you acted like you're strong and said "Never treat someone a priority when all you are to them is an option" as a photo caption on FaceBook,and oh deleted the last picture of you and me too. When you said everything I did was going to be futile just because he brought you out on Valentine's. When he added salt to the wound and said "you sore about losing her to me?". When he put that picture of you saying you're his and not mine. Everything.
Then You revived it by saying that You love me still and you can't forget me and leave me hanging,waiting for you to come back.
When I was going to forget you already. Am I fucking stupid to ask you or what?
What the fuck?How the fuck? Why the fuck?
Can't it be easier? Can't I just change my life?
I just can't believe what my eyes is seeing right now; Ridiculous. Where do I start? Everything is f'ed up straight from the heart. Gotta pick up myself but where do I start?
'Cause I can't turn to you when it falls apart.
I'll have to go,I need to go. I need to kill that hunger for you.
Because honey my kindness is a privilege,don't fuck with that.
If only you can see how deep this love for you is,it's way deeper than his,that's for sure.
If you can even remember how Gavin cheated on you,you would certainly never ever betray this love. Try and put yourself in my shoes,spoilt ignoramus, and then multiply that pain a hundredfold.
This is how much I loved and has love you but I'll kill it somehow.
I gave you my everything,since I trusted you. But you threw everything.
This was how I loved you,like it's forever. Like as though if I died a thousand times and lived again,I'll still love you. However it isn't the case for you huh?
"Expectation is the root of all heartache" - William Shakespeare
I'm not expecting anything,because expectation's the root of all heartache.
You're predictable,honey. I'm guessing you won't do anything after reading this.
This is the hardest story,that I've ever told. Phew,this is it. This is how it ends,people.
All I can say is that,I loved you to death, I loved our love to death, I loved every bit of you to death, I loved you to death, I loved everything that you do to death, I loved your expressions to death,I loved you everything about you. But I think it's time I go.
Let's paraphrase it this way. When we were on our way to hell,you decided you want out and decided to go back to heaven but with another angel and then start making out with him. While I made my way in hell and just suffered,with the thought that you're suffering the same thing as me. While the fire continues burning me, You had the clouds' vapor to help cool down those burnt marks. Yeah,you were that selfish.
Here comes the cliche breakup last liner thing :
And we'll last as long as the time ends? Gulpgulp his fucking cum,how 'bout that?
Labels: I love you. But I have to go.